Hello and welcome one and all! In today’s top ten, we’ll be talking about scientific inventions which haven’t arrived yet, but probably will. As you might know, science fiction actually predicted, or even invented, every technological gadget we have, (except the fax machine, for some reason.) Some of these are far in the future, but all of them will, eventually, be real items. Some of them can’t come soon enough, others we can probably do without, but that’s never stopped people before.
10) Accurate Weather Prediction Devices
Despite the fact the various weather-prediction agencies have huge computers and expensive satellites, so they claim, none of them are actually consistently right in their forecasts. Any more than a few hours ahead and they start to guess, the further in the future the forecast is, the less accurate. I’m not sure how this problem can be solved, but instead of trying, maybe they could just control the weather, that way they’d be 100% correct. (Maybe 98.4% if they wanted to maintain a small amount of mystery and whimsy.)
9) Automated Asteroid Eater and Manufactory
This is basically a huge space craft. It gets sent out into space, finds an asteroid and eats it. Inside, the rock is broken down into its various components, and then it makes whatever it can from those materials, consulting its database to see what’s needed. Occasionally, these giant ships will meet up and swap materials with those who might have different materials. Eventually, they return to earth and give all the things they’ve made to all the good little girls and boys, like some giant, robotic spaceship Santa Claus, then head off into space again. This would have the advantage of providing for the earth’s growing population, as well as thinning out the more dangerous lumps of rock in orbits too close to the earth.
8) Being an Idiot Brain Implants
We really need these right now. They’re explosive chips that are implanted in the heads of all the people on earth. If the chip detects the person acting like an arse, it goes off and there’s one less idiot in the world. The database of what constitutes such behavior is created and amended by a voting system of the entire population of the world to avoid bias and misuse. Some things, of course, would be guaranteed to set the chip off, like attempted murder, child abuse and drink-driving. Other stupid behavior would be down to others to decide. The chip would buzz to give a warning of impending activation to give the person the chance to stop or change their behaviour. If the person is driving or operating machinery, the chip would wait until they stopped, unless they were putting life at risk by moving.
7) Killer Robots
We already have advanced robots and armed drone aircraft, so these aren’t too far in the future. What form they will take and who will have them is debatable, but the fact of their arrival is guaranteed. Losing soldiers in wars is becoming increasingly unacceptable, although fighting them in the first place doesn’t seem to lose its appeal. Removing or safeguarding the human element will probably increase the number of wars fought, as long as the technology can be made cheap enough. Then we enter another arms race, with killer robots getting larger and more deadly, just in time for the alien invasion of earth, when we just about about manage to repel the aliens but wreck the planet doing it, then it’s all back to the iron age, huzzah!
I’m not talking about food processors here, or even robots that can cook, but devices that can make almost any recipe you want from a limited stock of base materials. The device would manipulate matter on an atomic level, making strawberry cheesecake or a nice steak from the mass of material fed into it. This could be anything from cardboard to the contents of your vacuum cleaner, all broken down to atoms and reconstituted to not just taste like, but actually be indistinguishable from the real thing. It will then 3d print the ingredients and make what you’ve asked for, delivered to the table by your robot kitchen assistant. When you’ve finished the robot will put the leftovers back into the machine and it will go around again, no waste, no mess, no effort.
5) Direct Feed Media Implants
With technology getting smaller and more powerful by the hour, and with such advances as AR and VR, the next logical step is have the technology feed directly into your brain, bypassing the eyes and ears to give true-life audio and visual experiences. This would give everyone the same level of enjoyment, even if their eyesight or hearing isn’t that good, and it wouldn’t disturb the other people around you. And with Wi-Fi everywhere, you could stream any content you wanted at any time. Although there would need to be some control, to stop people a watching a film when they’re supposed to be driving a bus, for example. It’s only a small step from there to include smell, touch and taste in the mix, and then the Matrix scenario becomes a definite possibility, and we all get to live in pods with wires attached to our bits. I’m sure the other animals on the planet can’t wait for the day the humans are gone, particularly the birds, who’ve been wanting to take back control since the day their dinosaur ancestors got blasted.
4) Super Massive Weapons
These will probably be based in space, and be pointing out into the inky blackness, waiting for the aliens to invade. They could also be pointed downwards, aimed at those peoples who won’t behave, and must be kept in line. They could be laser-based, or some exotic particle weapon, and be capable of frying an alien mothership in seconds, even several thousand miles out. They’ll be a complete waste of time of course, because, human nature being what it is, they’ll be pointing in the wrong direction when the aliens arrive.
The alternate scenario is that, actually, human beings are the most advanced race in the galaxy, (what a frightening thought!) and all that hardware will just sit in space until, in the far future, another alien race arrives and finds only a very well guarded but completely dead planet.
3) Robotic Fart Removal System
We’ve all done it, and blamed the dog for it, but this machine would name the culprit and remove the offending material. The robot would be on constant watch in communal spaces, and have special vision and audio equipment to spot the emission. It would then go into action, suck the fart in, analyse the DNA content, and then announce the source of the gaseous escape. The farts would be used by a special generator inside the robot to power itself.
2) Rocket Boots
This ultimate personal transportation system probably won’t be rocket powered at all, but they’ll almost certainly still be called either rocket or jet boots. They’re more likely to be anti-gravity devices, linked to a force field device to give control surfaces and protection against the elements, and bumpy landings. When these arrive, everyone will be free to go exactly where they want at any time, with the usual border controls, restricted airspace, no-fly zones, police checkpoints and AFR checks, (Like ANPR, but for faces) and height, privacy, and health and safety limitations, of course. Once these arrive, humanity is doomed. People will stop using their legs, and just float everywhere, even in their own homes. Their bodies will whither, their minds stagnate, and the alien invasion force will pick us like a prize plum, probably doing their equivalent of laughing at how easy it was.
1) Personal Force Fields
These thing can’t come soon enough, looking at the state of the world at the moment. Imagine being wrapped in a field of energy that blocks everything but air and Wi-Fi. Bulletproof, stab proof, body odour proof. It would make public transport usable again: no groping, no “accidental” contact, no armpit smells or bad breath, and definitely no kicking, punching, biting or slashing. It could even be made to block sound, so when the self-righteous brigade kick off you can just listen to Tom Jones on your mp3 player and smile beatifically. (That’s just an example, you can smile ironically, if you want to, or not at all.) You would wear the generator on your belt, or as a hat, and the field can be made to shimmer in a variety of colours, to show the haters they’re wasting their time but still remain fashionable.